My husband asked me why I only write when I'm at my wits end and struggling. I told him I write to reflect and process my thoughts. He said that was his point what about the good times, do I reflect and think upon them?
His question made me realize how rarely I processes the good sweet memories of the day. At the end of the day what I reflect most on are my regrets. I wonder what would happen if I put as much thought into the beautiful, fun and enjoyable times of the day as I do my hardships. I wonder if at the end of the day if I focused on the laughter I had with my kids as much as the tantrums, cleaning and chaos would my heart change? I'm not sure about you but when I lay down at the end of the day I tend to think about all the hard things rather than the beauty of the day. I think about the messes I still have or the times I yelled at my kids when I was so desperately trying to keep my cool. These memories are easy for me to remember and reflect upon. I easily forget about the laughter I shared with my kids as we played animal tag or the talks we had as we dug in the dirt for worms.
For the next two weeks at the end of the day I am making a conscious effort to reflect, write and talk more about the sweet moments of the day. I'm not going to ignore or pretend my days are a piece of cake and my kids are perfect. Instead I'm going to try and remember as many wonderful memories as hard ones. When I lay down at night I'm going to reflect on and cherish the talks and fun I had with my kids besides the regrets. I'm going to remember the beauty I see all around me. I am thankful for this time and opportunity to be a mother to 5 kids. Its a crazy adventure and most days my goal is to not get overwhelmed and keep my cool. My new goal is no matter the craziness may I learn to soak in the sweet memories! I'll post my update in two weeks!
Dear sweet Willie...i wanted to let you know that i/we do read the fun & thankful occasions. You post them on FB. It is clearly obvious that you are madly in love with your kids and that you have tons of fun with them. Every post says, I'm crazy proud of each one of them and grateful for all the blessings and assistance that you receive. So, again, give yourself a break from being perfect at how you communicate. It's all grace. Thanks for the privilege of reading your processing thoughts. I write for the same reason...it helps bring clarity. Love ya.
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DeleteOh Sharon I miss you! I am so hard on myself and trying to figure out ways to give myself grace which you clearly see I need which is so true. Tell me from your wisdom how do I do that? I struggle daily being hard on myself, giving myself grace as well as the constant desire of improving. Where is the balance? I am so thankful for grace and really need to give more of it and just soak in it! I miss you!
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